You're late!
I know, I'm sorry. It was a lot of traffic.
Liam Liu.
Profile.
So, you know Kung Fu?
Err...
What kind of art are you?
Err...
I, I don't have a...
Oh, you know what I love? I love suspenders.
You don't know Martial Arts?
No.
It says so on your resume that you know Martial Art.
Is there Martial Art in this commercial?
I thought it was for toothpaste.
Where are you from?
New York City.
Queens, actually.
But I went to Dolton, so
I retain the same leader's arrogance. No, I mean what's your ethnicity?
I'm Chinese.
Speak Chinese?
Not fluently.
It says here speaks Chinese fluently.
I'm sorry, is there Chinese in this commercial?
I thought it was like.
OK, thank you very much for coming, Liam.
What? That's it?
I didn't even get to read yet.
Well, we are looking for Japanese, actually.
Don't be sad.
What?
You look sad, don't be.
It's my car.
You know I just got told
because of a few parking tickets,
which is why I guess I'm here utilizing L.A's fabulous public transportation system.
Well, somebody told me, I don't know who?
# Whenever you're sad and blue.
# And you are feeling all alone and left behind
# Just take a look inside you, and you'll find
# You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
# Hang on, things will be all right
# Even when it's dark, and not a bit of sparkling
# Sing-song sunshine from above
# Spraying rays of sunny love
Hey, that's...
'Rays of sunny love' is great,
but I still don't have my car.
Well, think of it on the bright side.
What side?
You never would have got to meet me so if you use.
Do you wanna get a cup of coffee with me?
You see if I go home now, that I'm going home alone.
And it's a little scary.
How old are you?
Why? Is it illegal to share a caffeinated beverage with a minor?
I really shouldn't.
I mean, just wouldn't be logical.
What if I'm the one?
The wine?
If I am then you'll feel pretty stupid not having a cup of coffee with me.
I guess so.
I mean I'm not saying I am the one.
There's just always the possibility, you know.
And isn't that what life's about, possibilities.
I really shouldn't.
You can do anything you want to.
It's the beauty of living.
Wow.
Every time I go out for something, Jo.
It's always for some Kung Fu Deli Store, Computer, Chinese...
You are a little Chinese guy.
You are gonna go out for roles for little Chinese guys.
I was born in New York.
How about a role for somebody born in New York.
Nobody asked you to quit college.
And try your hand on deluquative world.
Of motion picture and telemagnetic.
What am I gonna do with the degree.
I'm gonna spend 8 hours a day
trapped in a little cubical,
raking one of those desktop Zen Gardens.
Hey I prefer that over spend all your time with some Malibu Barbie.
Her name is Adelaide.
She is a really sweet girl.
You haven't even given her a chance.
She is 16 years old.
She is applying to Stanford.
Everybody can apply to Stanford.
You want some of that? At least I'm going online to meet girls.
I tell you now...
God invented match.com for a reason.
And that reason was me.
Look, one even applied to me last night.
You wouldn't like her though.
Why?
She is Asian.
Ah.
No, but, I'm happy for you.
I hope she love you long time.
Thank you.
Look, I gotta go.
It's late, I gotta try to write something.
It still blocked, you know.
Most of the writers have to write something first.
Before getting blocked.
You can't be impotent without first being potent.
And what the hell was that?
What?
I know that's your dad calling...
because you got that stupid little ring...
so that you know it's your dad calling.
And by the way...
He knows you sending him to voice mail.
He doesn't know shit.
Yes he does.
Because you pushed end
You can push the end.
It only rings twice and goes to voice mail.
You're gonna let him go all the way to...
I don't wanna talk to him.
Why? He's the one who support you headiness to...
My dad's a drunk.
My dad's insane.
You don't know my dad.
Forget about your dad.
And forget about Malibu Addy.
Check out this blonde at the bar.
She's gorgeous.
Which one?
The one with the pink...
Sucking on that straw.
She knows what she's doing.
She is one like 8.9, at least.
- 8.9? - Yeah.
Let me tell you something, my friend.
This girl represents everything
that was wrong with the society.
From a fake tits to a fake nose.
That fake fucking smile.
You see that?
It's a fake fucking doll bag.
How do you know her bag is fake.
You know what's the worst part?
She gets away with that.
She gets away without having anything close enough to resembling a real personality.
The bag looks real to me.
Let me guess.
Capricorn?
Libra.
Close enough, you wanna buy me a drink?
What makes think you deserve a drink?
Er, because I'm a good person.
By Hollywood standards.
Anyway, by normal standards
I'm a fucking asshole.
D'you, you think I'm a good person?
Well, I don't even know you.
Well, the truth is I think you are really cute.
And I was compelled to meet you..
And normally I wouldn't succumb to my compulsion so easily.
But I'm trying to embrace a new philosophy of life
that involves succumbing.
And I mean if I have to succumb
I'm glad I'm succumbing on you.
Hey.
Think of this drink as...
as an investment for the possibility
of mutual growth in this potential relationship.
Any years from now
when our daughter
jumps to your laps, and asks you:
Oh, how did mommy and daddy meet?
You can look at this drink
as the best investment you've ever made.
But I gotta know if you're really committed
to continuing this conversation
before I waste my time.
I just go, like nothing happens.
I'm Georgia, by the way.
What a coincident!
That's my favorite confederate state.
This is Liam.
I'm not here right now, leave a message.
This is Mark Liu.
Your father.
Where are you anyway?
It's 2 a.m.
You should be at home.
It's dangerous out there you know.
So many FPD.
I don't want you get hepatitis another time.
I hate talking to meet you.
You wanna call him?
Sorry.
You're not a very rich guy, are you?
What gave that away, the generic brain cooler?
You don't get a lot of stuff.
So maybe, maybe I'm not materialistic.
Did Jesus have a lot of stuff?
No, but Jesus was poor.
So, what do you do for fun?
This is pretty fun.
I mean, what do you do for excitement?
Good night.
Are you OK?
Yeah, I just, I just have allergies, you know.
Are you crying? Your face's wet.
No, I'm OK. Just go to sleep.
Wake up, wake up!
You have to go.
What?
Wake up!
You have to go.
I'm late.
Why?
Because I'm late.
Why?
Because I'm late.
I feel like I'm talking to Helen Keller (deaf writer) here.
I promised me breakfast.
There's a bagel in the fridge.
Knock yourself out.
I made you something.
What?
I love brownies.
I know you're silly with them.
That's why I made them for you last night.
Thanks, you're so sweet.
Oh what can I say I'm a sweetie pie.
I'm good.
What's that?
I'm applying to an art school in Paris.
What about Stanford?
- Ah, Stanford is boring. - What?
That's what you wanna do for the rest of your life?
Paint fruit and people dancing at tea parties?
I mean you're a bright girl.
You know you need real education.
Shouldn't you do what you're passionate about?
Yes, yes, that all sounds great now.
You're doing what you're love.
You're doing what you're passionate about.
But in 15 years, it won't be so great.
When you're selling kind of candy
on Santa Monica prominent.
So it's about money.
I just don't want you to regret this.
I don't know where to go.
I have something important to ask you.
You're in high school, what's important?
You know canonization is not the way to a girl's heart.
I'm sorry.
What do you wanna ask me?
I'm sorry, I'm SO SORRY.
Oh, my goodness.
I know, I'm sorry. I can't do it like you can. What?
I was going to ask you.
If you want to come to the junior prom with me?
The junior prom. Wow.
I'm sorry Addy. I can't go to the junior prom with you.
Why not?
Why didn't you go with, with, Alex, Bowta, or Whorethorn.
Or whatever they named them nowadays.
'Cause I don't love them, Liam.
All righty.
Out of my car, Kiddo.
Who're you calling kiddo? Boss.
You know what?
You better be careful 'cause one day you're gonna lose me.
And it's gonna break your heart into a million little pieces.
I could be the best thing that'll ever happen to you and you'll regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
Now if you excuse me.
I have an algebra test to attend to.
All right, I'll see you in another life.
When we're both illustrious oppression libertines.
Or 3 p.m., whichever comes first.
Liam, It's Mark Liu, your father.
(Chinese) Where are you?
Where are you anyway?
Call me!
Monday, 1:09 a.m.
Liam, why are you not calling me?
Your grandmother is dead.
This is Mark Liu, your father.
Monday, 1:25 a.m.
Hello.
Yeah I got your message.
Maybe a few more relative die.
You will actually come back to New York.
Can you give me a break?
I'm only trying to make a living for myself right here.
Oh, making a living for yourself.
Without me sending you check every month.
You'll be out in the street with all the others to be or not to be.
You know, I'm sorry I called.
She left you her house in Shanghai.
Wait, what, what did you say?
Leave me her house?
Why, why did she leave it to me?
I've never even met her.
Cause your last name is Liu.
That's why.
Why did you forget who you are, huh?
How much does it worth?
500 qian (thousand.)
That should last you until the end the month.
You know... I'm sick of you criticizing my life.
I have the right to criticize it.
I'm paying for it.
What about you?
I can smell the Whisky on your breath right through the handset.
I'll tell you what...
I'll come home today.
If you tell me you are not holding a bottle of Jack in your hand right now.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
You know what... I don't need you goddamn money.
What can you do?
Paddle Cappuccino at Starbucks?
Well you said I had 500 grand, right?
That'll last me to the end of the month.
I'm your father, Liam.
Why do you hate me?
Because you killed my mother!
# Lily comes when you start to call her #
# Lily runs when you look away #
Bunny!
# Lily leaves kisses on your collar #
# Lily Lily Lily Lily stay #
What's wrong?
What's wrong! Come on.
I have to go to Shanghai, a week.
Why are you going to Shanghai? Silly rabbit.
My grandmother died.
I'm sorry.
I never met her or anything.
But she left her house to me.
My boyfriend has a house in Shanghai?!
That's really cool.
Can't you please not call me your boyfriend.
I have a cousin there, who'll find the buyer for me.
I have to go and sell the place.
Dance with me, bunny?
- I don't want to. - Come on.
# Lily runs when you look away #
# Lily leaves kisses on your collar #
# Lily Lily Lily Lily stay #
# Lily comes when you start to call her #
# Lily runs when you look away #
# Lily leaves kisses on your collar #
# Lily Lily Lily Lily stay #
# Lily comes when you start to call her #
# Lily runs when you look away #
# Lily leaves kisses on your collar #
# Lily Lily Lily Lily stay #
# Stay #
So can I go with you to Shanghai?
You have school.
But see I don't have to go to school 'cause I'm a natural genius.
Some people are just born to be natural geniuses. And we can't help it.
This natural genius is gonna to stay right here in L.A.
Please.
I'm sorry.
Call me every day.
Every minute, every hour.
Will you miss me so much, like, intestines would bleed?
My intestines will spill buckets and buckets of blood.
Oh, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll see you when I get back, OK?
OK?
- Yeah. - Bye Liam.
Do I look OK?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You look fine. Listen Jo.
I need you to do something for me while I'm in Shanghai.
What? Renewing you're subscription to a barely legal.
It's Addy.
Oh, enough with Addy.
Come on.
I'm just, I'm gonna lay out a general rule here.
In America, if you hook up with a 16-year-old girl
you're going to prison for roughly 20 years.
And I'm not talking about cobber-sins.
It's not that, it's not about hooking up.
You're the cool older guy right now,
But in ten years, you're just gonna be the old guy.
Just take her to school in the morning, that's it.
And make sure
she has parents.
She is not little Orphan Annie.
What do you want me to do? Give her some claim shot and send her to bed?
Shit! She was doing just fine before you got there.
Yeah, you're right.
I just.
No no no no.
I'm right. I like to hear that.
Alright, never mind, forget it.
Shit!
What?
She was supposed to be here like an hour ago.
She stood me up.
Did she get lost?
No. She thinks I'm ugly, or publican, or both.
Yeah, what's with the brown suit?
You look like Ronald Reagan.
I asked you about this.
I tell you what happened.
This is what Darwin was talking about
when he said natural selection.
Only I'm the one that wasn't selected.
Jo, women are absolutely everywhere.
See that girl at the counter.
What do you give her?
Solid 6.
When you flip her around you'll get a 9.
Talk to her.
Come on, dude.
No, I can't. That's ridiculous.
Why is that ridiculous?
Are you kidding?
Don't you think it's a little psycho to just walking up to some girl?
Yeah, it's psycho if you shank her in the shower afterwards.
All right.
Don't bring her knife.
I'm not bringing her knife.
Do I look like Ronald Reagan?
You're on a good day.
Gets the attention.
Hi.
Oh.
Is this the butter?
I hope your plane crashes.
Maybe he is her brother?
They kissed, what is she? Angelina Jolie?
Can I order a big bowl of shame, please.
Hey, that's me!
- You're Liam? -Yes.
- How nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Where did you get this?
Your father send me.
Do you like it?
Eh, I don't know.
Oh, I'm Ling Ming, your cousin.
Lin Ming, you name rhyme, that's beautiful.
Thank you. Come on, let's go.
Why did they give you the house?
Actually, I'm not part of Liu family.
The family name is just passed on through the sons.
My mother married into the Ming family.
Where am I staying?
Jing Mao Tower.
Tower?
I'm staying in a tower?
Yes.
# Minutes reaching night #
# Fifty miles high #
# Nothing but the sky #
# Shining in your eyes #
# Minutes reaching night #
# Fifty miles high #
# Nothing but the sky #
# Shining in your eyes #
Thank you.
So, do we tip them or something?
Not necessary.
Please.
Hey, How do you say thank you?
Xia ya nong.
No no, no gratitude is necessary.
Oh, it's OK, I'm not expressing gratitude. Just giving you the tip.
Thank you.
Oh no.
We do need to do anything here.
- Really? - Yeah.
This is like Jewish heaven.
Yeah.
(OK, thank you for bringing the luggage here.)
Wow. Look at that.
If I have a house here.
Why am I in a hotel?
House empty, all furniture's gone
But don't worry.
We'll meet the buy tomorrow.
you'll get the money and
go back to America.
- It's not a problem. - OK.
So what about tonight?
What's the plan, Stan?
You're Stan in this scenario, BTW.
Okie dokie.
What do you want to do?
# We started dancing and love put us into a groove #
# As soon as we started to move #
# The music played while our bodies displayed through the dance #
# Then love picked us out for romance #
What the hell is this?
Wasabi Pea.
You can say that again.
Wasabi Pea.
(What can I help you two with, anything.)
(Right. He is an actor, from Hollywood, he makes movies.)
You, America? Yeah!
You want to go for company?
Go for what?
For company!
Yeah yeah yeah.
Nice, nice, nice.
You must be have much money.
Girls (Come on in.)
(Come in, come in.)
American.
Smile, please.
(If you want money to go abroad, then smile.)
- Pick. - Pick?
Do you like?
Help me out here.
I don't know which should I pick.
It's up to you, whatever your taste.
I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
You won't hurt feelings, just pick.
I was never picked for dodge ball.
It always hurt my feelings.
OK, it's not big a deal.
Just pick.
Ah, look you like.
Have your eye on Emmy.
Emmy? Is that her name?
Yeah, Emmy is very sweet.
If you can touch her smell.
Err, touch her smell.
OK, OK?
OK!
Emmy.
(It's up to you now.)
Hi.
Bye bye.
She's crazy.
Do you like her?
My name is Emmy
Emmy, my name is Liam Liam?
Funny kind of name.
Yeah, well, I'm a funny kind of guy.
So you come here often?
First come here.
Oh, first come here?
Em, I like your ear rings.
No, not him, me.
I like the, you know...
Thank you.
You're very round.
That's my favorite shape.
OK, don't talk to him.
He is not even there.
Don't you have to go somewhere?
All right.
You should sing.
I do not sing.
If I sing, everybody in room will run.
No, no, I'm sure you're not that bad.
Trust me, that's bad.
OK, I believe you.
Hey you wanna go?
Ah?
You wanna go?
OK.
No no.
Us, you, me, we go, both of us.
You want me to go with you?
You want me to want you.
To go with me?
I'm confusing you.
Let's go. You wanna go?
I'm...
Yes, you, me, you, me. Both!
One, two, go.
Nice room. Thanks.
Great view.
What do you want to do now?
Whatever.
You tell me.
- Excuse me. - OK.
Hello.
Is this my very sexy Chinese man?
How do you get this number?
I have my ways.
Remember I'm a natural genius.
I just got in a couple of hours ago.
Why haven't you called me, I wonder, I wonder.
My cousin was showing me around a little bit.
Oh, what have you seen?
Em, I saw a guy on a unicycle, saw a KFC...
It's about it.
- I'm going to take shower, OK? - OK, OK.
Is someone there?
I ordered room service.
This girl was just bring up late dinner.
I can't really take the airplane food.
Yeah, you and your sensitive digest track.
How is Shanghai?.
It's beautiful.
My hotel room is on the 85 floor.
I can see Japan from my window.
How is it look?
Let's say if they're planning a sneak attack anytime soon... I'll know.
- Can I use the towel? - Yeah, yeah.
Who is that?
Err, television.
Listen, I'm so tired.
can I call you tomorrow?
I miss you, bunny.
OK, I'll be back soon.
Get out of the house, all right?
Go hanging out with Summer or Melisa or any other girls on the O.C.
Bye Liam.
Bye Addy.
OK. I finish. What do you want? Tell me.
You know what? I'm really tired.
Do you wanna go to sleep?
Sleep?
I was on a flight, you know, for, I don't know, 16 hours.
You know, an airplane.
Do you mind?
No, I'm not mind.
Because I like you.
You're really beautiful girl.
Thank you.
So is it OK?
OK.
Alright. Good night.
Hey Liam.
Let's go.
Wake up.
3 p.m.
(Nu nu.)
(Come back, come back.)
So, this is it, huh?
Yes.
Your grandmother lived up here for 60 years.
Your father born here.
Grow up all his life.
Be careful.
Lots of history in this house.
It's a share with ceiling.
But nobody here had take care of it.
Wow!
This view is amazing.
Yes, this is Huangpu River.
The most important shipping outlet of Shanghai.
Divide the city into east and west.
Come on Liam.
Let me show you.
This was your father's room.
The whole family lived here.
This place is great, I love it.
Yeah.
It must be buyers.
(Just a minute.)
(You must be Mr. Wu.)
(Nice meeting you.)
(No so hard to find.)
This is Mr. Wu.
(Mr. Wu, this is my cousin from America.)
(You have an interesting cousin.)
(Does he have a girl friend yet?)
(If he doesn't, he could become my son-in-law.)
I've never been to Shanghai before.
So I'm surprised by how modern it is.
You know, the architecture.
Very modern.
OK.
I like your tie.
Oh, look at that.
(We like this house, the sun light, and the price it's near the supermarket... pretty good...)
So Liam,
Mr. We said this place is so great.
It's unbelievably cheap.
Yeah, if you call 500,000 dollars cheap?
No no no no.
It's not 500,000 dollars, it's 500,000 Yuan.
How much is that in dollars?
Maybe a little less than 60,000 dollars.
60,000 dollars?
No no no no.
I'm not selling this place for 60,000.
It's crazy.
Are you crazy?
- This view is worth more than 60,000 dollars. - Yeah, yeah, I know.
My shoes are worth 60,000 dollars.
Tell them no, tell them I'm not selling. It's ridiculous.
OK.
(Mr. and Mrs. Wu, I'm sorry. This house is not for sale.)
(We did not say anything about the price.)
(You make the price.)
(Your fault, not confirm the price first. Let's go back.)
What happened?
I told them.
I can see that.
So, what are you going to do now?
(Hello, where to go?)
Jing Mao, please.
Jin Gao?
Jing Mao.
Jin Gao?
Jing Mao.
OK.
Out.
No, this is not it.
Jin Gao.
Jing Mao.
Jin Gao.
Mao, Jing Mao, it's a hotel.
Hotel? OK.
No, not the place.
Hotel. This is nothing, Jing Mao.
Ting Gao?
Jing Mao.
Bing Gao?
Look at my mouth, Jing Mao.
(This guy is so annoying.)
(I haven't found where he live.)
Yeah what?
Oh, Oh yeah, look at that.
(Jin Jiang Amusement Park.)
Get out.
What? Why you stop?
Why you stop? I'm not getting out.
Jin Jiang?
Jing Mao.
Get out of here.
Jing Mao.
Jin Jiang?
Jing Mao, it's famous.
It's the tallest building here.
Jin Jiang.
You've been driving me round the city all day.
What're you? A fucking idiot?
I fuck ass!
You fuckie ass!
You fucking!
You fuckie!
You fucking!
You fuckie!
Where are you going? Get back!
You fucking
You fuckie! You're fuckie.
Jin Jiang?
Not Jin Jiang.
Jing Mao. Mao Mao.
Jin Jiang, Jiang, Jiang.
You're gonna kill me! You're gonna kill me! You're gonna kill me!...
No no no no, Jin Jiang.
I need a drink. I need a drink.
You're gonna drive me to drink.
I need a drink.
Can you take me to a bar?
- Drink? - OK! (I know.)
You guys know how to make a chocolate martini?
What's that? Chocolate martini?
You know martini?
Yes of course. You want a martini?
No, chocolate martini, it's a martini, but you add some chocolate in it for flavoring.
OK?
OK, I do
a regular martini with chocolate in it.
Chocolate martini.
- (As usual?) - (Yeah, please.)
Hi.
I'm Liam.
Mickey.
You speak English?
You speak German?
Why would I speak German? We're not in Germany.
Why would I speak English? We're not in England.
Because everybody speaks English.
If that's true, then why even ask me in the first place?
Let me guess...
You're an American?
And you think the world revolves surround you.
You probably don't speak any other languages beside English.
That's not true. I speak Ethiopian.
!@#$%^&*() That means, em, armchair.
Well, why don't you speak Chinese?
Because I'm an American.
You're not an American.
Your face is Chinese.
Your hair is Chinese.
Your eyes are Chinese.
Your skin is Chinese.
But you probably don't know anything about your culture.
It's a pity you don't even speak the language.
I know more than you think.
Here is your drink.
Yes, I can see you're very wise.
Thanks.
Thank you.
So what are you that you're so culture the polaties instructor?
What's that?
Never mind.
Hey, you wanna get outta here?
This conversation's depressing me.
Eat your drink first.
So beautiful.
I never realized how beautiful Shanghai is.
Most of these building were developed in the Opium Wars.
Refresh my memory. Robert Donnie Junior won the Opium Wars, right?
Who that?
Never mind.
You're so cute, and so funny.
Yeah, but you don't laugh at like most of my jokes.
You're still funny.
Are all American so funny?
You should know. You've been there 3 years, right?
Use sense of humor as a defensive mechanism of nervousness.
That's what my analyst says.
You're in analysis?
Yeah. Ever since the second grade.
When I asked out Aaron McGrath.
She called me the doodie head and pulled down my pant during recess.
That's horrible.
I can't really blame her.
Because I was quite empirically a doodie head.
But then I got very self- conscious about my penis size.
Err, I mean, were small, but I was 7.
I think for a 7-year-old
it was decent size, I think.
Are you nervous?
Yeah, a little bit.
Do I intimidate you?
You have no idea.
How was that?
I'd say let's go back to my place but I don't know where it is.
Let me get this.
Hello?
I wrote you a poem, you wanna hear it?
Yeah, sure.
I woke up lonely the day I died.
The sun never sang to me so bright.
The songs of heaven that dance inside my eyes.
Watching a seagull's flying.
And time stands still.
As I paint the penguin red and I turned blue.
I thought of you and only you..
In the darkness you'll come.
And drive my tears and rescue me.
From the plastic cups and empty faces.
My Shanghai Kid. My One and Only.
For you I wait. Only God can stop me.
Now if it totally sucks, you can tell me I really didn't write for 5 seconds anyway.
No. I like it.
Em, you know, I got to get off the bus.
Can I call you later?
Yeah.
Bye Addy.
What was that?
Your girlfriend?
No, she's just a friend.
Just a friend.
Give me a break, she's 16.
Why are you friends with a 16-year-old?
I don't know.
Excuse me.
(You disgust me.) (You make me puke.)
(You make me sick.) (You make me fucking...)
What's that?
Tea egg.
Egg?
Egg.
Egg, Let's get some. I'm hungry.
Hey, tea egg.
Hello, hello, hello.
Wake up, back to work.
Hello, hello, hello. Ni Hao.
How much?
1 Yuan!
1? 1 Yuan?
That's like 12 cents.
I want twelve.
So, how do you say twelve?
Twelve.
(Shi Er.)
Is this good?
Wait, hold on.
Taste time.
Why are you buying so many eggs?
I may not be a smart man.
But I know a good bargain when I see one.
Wow!
What?
In this light, you're stunning.
You're a stunner.
I'm actually physically stunned.
Well you're not the ugliest guy I met either.
OK, OK relax.
So, why would you sell a house that's been in your family for 100 years?
What am I gonna do? Move to China?
Why not?
You're Chinese, aren't you?
Why don't I do anything that makes any sense?
Why did I drop out Columbia and moved L.A. to being an inspiring alcoholic?
Why is that the only girl that I can stand being sober with for more than an hour,
present company excluded,
happens to be 16?
Why can't I look my father in the face?
You're right!
I spent my entire life running away from anything Chinese,
including my father.
But I come here
and I feel like I belong here.
Here I'm not a Chinese guy.
I'm just a guy.
Don't move here just for me.
Do you wanna see me again?
Of course!
Would you miss if I left?
Would you miss me?
You are the most amazing girl I've ever met!
Hey!
Chou Yun Fat?
Hey! We both fat
No no no, I'm sorry it's not him.
It's the guy from Roman Noodle package.
And you're the noodle.
So, how is the People's Republic?
It's amazing.
It's so beautiful there, Jo.
It really is.
And I met a girl.
What? I like a Chinese girl?
I met a Chinese girl!
No way! Really?
- Yeah. - Really?
What's her name?
Her name is Mickey.
That doesn't sound Chinese.
She is beautiful.
She's smart, sophisticated, funny.
And she's with you?
It's a shame you had to leave.
Actually I'm gonna move there.
What?
I'm moving to Shanghai.
When?
Next week!
I just, I came back to get some things.
Say good bye.
It's pilot season.
There are no Asian guys on television.
You know that.
So, did you tell your father?
Does Addy know? Anybody?
No, not yet.
You figured how to tell them?
No, I will.
Your father's gonna be a little surprised.
I don't give a shit what he thinks.
Listen to yourself, man!
You're moving to Shanghai for a girl.
A Chinese girl, for God sakes.
This is not just about the girl.
Then what is?
It just, it feels right.
I'm Chinese, I gotta go back to my roots.
Slowdown, Kuta Kinsei
You don't even speak Chinese.
What the hell are you gonna do?
What, drive a Rig Shark?
I can learn Chinese.
Learn Chinese? Liam, you barely speak English.
Don't call me Liam, Liam is my slave name.
Cute.
Wait. Come here, come here.
What?
That's her.
Wow.
She sure likes any other Asian girl in Monterey Park.
You wanna move somewhere?
Move to Monterey Park, it's lovely.
I'm miss you too.
Come on, get in.
Give me 5 bucks for parking.
So you came back early.
You know the sell fails, sweetie.
Oh, you didn't sell your house?
No.
What're you going to do now, baby?
Well, please don't call me baby.
Baby baby baby baby BA-BY.
I have something to tell you.
Good news?
In a way.
Let me guess.
You're pregnant.
No, that's the last one.
It got an abortion.
Oh, that's too bad. I always wanna be a father.
So what's this news?
This is hard to say.
Oh, spill it, bust it, come on!
Well, I think that we should stop.
Oh, sugar salad.
Give me those, please.
Yeah, sure.
You're the bestest boyfriend...
Yeah, OK Addy you're a great girl, you're beautiful, smart, strong,
and you shouldn't be hanging around with me.
You should be with the guy at your own age.
I'm gonna be 17 in, like, 2 weeks.
What are you? Like 8 years older than me?
12!
Big deal.
I look like a dwarf. I'm even, almost taller than you.
Look, It's not my fault that my aPOPhysial plate feels immaturely.
A-pophysical! A-pophysial!
Did you drink milk? Yes, I drank milk.
Whole 100 percent?
Did you drink fat flavor?
What percent milk I drink is not the point.
The point is I can drive and drink alcoholic beverages.
Not at the same time.
What's your point?
Woody Allen was with a woman 35 years younger than him.
Woody has 3 Academy awards.
When I get 3 Academy awards I can date 12-year-olds if I want.
I met someone.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it a girl?
No, it's an squirrel, actually.
Of course it's a girl.
I don't know, you're barely natural.
It's a Chinese girl, I met her in China.
What can I get for you?
We're gonna take a sugar salad.
You're gone, for like 3 days.
3 days!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I don't know what you want me to say.
I feel so shady now.
You don't have to feel shady.
Let's go have the sugar salads.
Fuck the sugar salad.
Fuck her in the sugary ass.
You're dumping me for some Chinese girl?
We were never really together.
Oh, right. I forgot, I'm only 16.
How are you gonna maintain the relationship with some 7-thousands-miles-away?
I'm moving to Shanghai.
What?
I'm moving there.
To Shanghai?
Who moves to Shanghai? No one does that.
Who moves to Shanghai? I don't know, lots of people.
I don't know. It just feels right.
You'll just leave me here to rot?
Leave you here to rot?
You live in Beverly Hills for Christ's sake.
I wish I live where you lived.
Please just go see this movie, please.
I'm gonna get you a sugar salad.
Don't you have any feelings at all?
Your grandmother just died. Don't you feel sad about that?
Don't you feel sad about anything? You're like a fucking robot.
Now you're going to China for some girl you've only known for 2 days.
Do you really think that you'll gonna find what you looking for out there?
You need to calm down. I'm going nuts.
Wait, just wait.
I like you, Addy, I really do. It scares me how much I like you.
Why you are leaving?
Because I feel empty here.
It's like I'm pissing my life away.
L.A. is a cold and dessertly place. It really is.
It's like sucking my life right out of me.
Maybe it's you Liam. Did you ever think of that?
Maybe it's you sucking the life outta yourself.
You're just a just a kid. Addy.
Go home.
Don't go to Shanghai, please.
It'll be a mistake, you know it'll be a mistake.
# Fell in love, with a girl #
# Lost my hold on this whole world #
# Sad to say, it's about truth #
# There's nothing more that we could do #
# But Love just don't quit #
# So hard to see from where we sit #
# Love just don't quit #
# It's not a box there ain't no live #
# Holidays, time of year #
# Call them close and hold them near #
# Some souls comes, some don't show #
# Round and round and round and goes #
# But Love just don't quit #
# So hard to see from where we sit #
# Love just don't quit #
# It's not a box there ain't no live #
# Some years past, in a day #
# Somethings's changing something's faint #
# Someday seems like nothing's new #
# You have me and I have you #
# 'Cause Love just don't quit #
# Hard to see from where we sit #
# Love just don't quit #
# It's not a box there ain't no live #
# Give it out and let it end #
(Checkmate!)
Excuse me, Mister.
Do you speak English?
I need an umbrella.
Raining, raining.
(Excuse me.)
(Where to?)
(Buy...)
(Umbrella.)
The umbrellas right there.
Thank you, thank you.
(Raining? Raining?)
It's good, you should try it.
It's so shiny.
I'm gonna get blinded by it.
No it's a dessert. You'll like it.
Let's go to McDonald. This food is scaring me.
That stuff would kill you faster than poison.
Somewhere out there is a bunch of angry feet of chicken.
Didn't your mother ever tell you not play with your food.
I don't know. I have no mother.
Everybody has a mother.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine. It's just.
I don't really remember her.
I mean I have memories, but...
I don't know which ones are real and which ones I created because I needed them.
We don't have to talk about this.
No, no, it's good to talk about it.
Well it was my birthday.
I was 6...
and we were coming home from dinner.
We didn't have much money then,
so going out to eat was special.
So I wanted to order something special,
and after looking over the menu for 30 minutes
I saw that they had turtle soup.
And I thought, wow, wouldn't it be cool to go to school on Monday
and tell everyone that I had turtle.
But on the way to the bathroom
I saw the live turtle in the kitchen,
and I started crying.
I could never eat such a good animal.
And so I burst into the kitchen,
like a knight rescuing princess,
I grab the turtle and I burst out.
Afterwards my parents come down to the kitchen.
My mom said that I could keep the turtle.
As a birthday present.
So it was sitting on my lap in the car my father was driving,
he may have been drunk,
I'm not sure, but they started arguing in Chinese.
Every time they argue in Chinese I know something's wrong.
The rest is a blur. The next thing I know
the car is flipped upside down on the side of the road.
There's a shard of class jetting from my mother's neck.
Bloods dripping down her white blouse.
I never did found out what happened to the turtle.
You wanna go see a movie.
You have movies here, right?
Of course.
Let me go to the man's room then we can go see a movie.
I can't watch this.
Why not?
Because the Rock sounds like Richard Simons. That's why not.
Who is Richard Simons?
Never mind.
Who's the Rock?
I'm gonna get something to drink. I'll be right back.
Hi, you've reached Addy. She's not here right now to take your call.
I know, 'cause I'm her.
Get in the car!
Did you say get in the car? Why would I get in the car?
(Grab him!)
- Get in the car? - OK? OK?
Yeah.
You hit me.
Yes, very good, very smart.
People always complaining about the American education system.
What do you want?
Where are you from?
Here and there, I get around.
Where are you from?!
I'm from Los Angeles.
California!
It's beautiful there isn't it?
It's OK.
Beautiful women too.
I've never been myself.
But I watch Hollywood movies.
Like, em, Charlie's Angels.
You've seen Charlie's Angels?
It's not one of my favorites.
I found the plot to be lack...
Plot?!
Who needs plot when you have crazy American women running around?
Right?
There's something doesn't make sense to me.
You see you have Charlie's Angels
and crazy American girls...
Yet you still feel the need to come here and steal our women.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm talking about my girlfriend.
Mickey.
Lately she's been acting very strange.
Always busy.
You know what she's doing every day?
I have no idea.
Who do you think you are?
You American think you can take anything you want?
I don't think that.
You don't think that?
Who discovered America? Who discovered America?!
Christopher Columbus?
I forgot.
That's want you learned in school, right?
But I want to find out.
How he can DISCOVERY a country
with already more than 40,000,000 native Americans.
Where are they now?
They welcomed you with open arms.
And you killed them all.
I guess we have different text book, huh?
Look, I'm Chinese.
My parent went to America as immigrants.
You'll never be Chinese.
You were raised on cheese burgers and pizza.
You may think you have discovered China.
But we have been here for thousands of years.
And I'm not gonna stand around watch you take what's right for me.
(Stop the car!)
Hi, you have a phone that I can use?
Telephone I can use?
You have a...
Hi, you have phone?
(Phone?) (Phone?)
Sir, do you have a phone?
- Hey! - Hey!
Ma'm. Ma'm.
Can I use your phone?
Please, please please!
Here, look, look!
I give you this.
You let me use that?
OK? Can I use that?
I'll give you money?
Look! Look!
(I'm not gonna sell you my phone.)
This is all I have, OK? Take it.
(Borrow?)
I'll give it right back. I'll be right here.
(My long-distance is expensive.)
Ma'm, please.
- Thank you, see, good, happy. - (Sigh, what's with you?)
Thank you.
Mickey!
I wanted to tell you...
I really did.
But Jai Lee is not the most reasonable man.
He gets violent.
To beat you?
Who is this guy?
We're to be married.
That's terrific.
Congratulations.
Am I invited to the wedding?
- You don't understand. - (Sir, what would you like to order?)
A bowl of Won-tons please.
(I'm sorry, I don't understand.)
Won-tons...
- (A bowl of huntun.) - Yes, thank you.
What don't I understand?
You love him?
It's not about love.
Then what?
I used to work as a waitress.
About a year ago Jai Lee comes in, throwing his money around
Telling me how beautiful I am. And how he wants to take care of me.
So this is all about money.
See, that's why you would never understand.
What don't I understand?
You are what we call a gold digger.
How many siblings do you have?
I don't have any.
I have 5.
3 sisters and 2 brothers.
How much does the average American make?
I don't know.
Maybe 35,000.
I make 1200 a year.
My family, all seven of us.
Lived in a one bedroom apartment.
My father died years ago.
Leaving my mother to raise all of us. All by herself.
So no, this is not about love.
I'm with Jai Lee to ensure my family have a better life.
You are gonna stay in a loveless and abusive marriage for the rest of your life?
Trust me.
There are worse things.
(Sir, it's your huntun.)
Thank you.
You're hungry.
Getting the shit beat out of me.
Spending the night in a ditch can be pretty consuming.
But on the upside, it did my cardio over the week.
Go back to America!
What about you?
I'll be fine.
(Welcome back here.)
(Sorry for last time.)
(I've discussed with my cousin...)
Have you ever seen Sinatra concert?
What about Billy Holiday?
How old do you think I am?
Well, my favorite is Nat King Cole.
You listen to Nat King Cole?
My mommy used to play a lot of old records when I was little.
She used to sing to me a lot.
You're still little.
What's wrong?
Just miss her, that's all.
Just unfair.
I mean how can someone die from lung cancer when they never even smoked.
I know what you mean.
How?
Em, I don't know. I don't, I guess.
Do you talk to you mom a lot?
Every night.
Really?
Yeah, right before I go to sleep.
You're a good son.
Hey Liam.
Liam?
Just sign this And you are all set!
I can't.
(The thing is...)
(we don't want to sell now.)
(Not selling?)
(My cousin come from America.)
(He thinks different than us.)
(He may have planes for this house.)
(What are you saying? Not selling?)
- (Calm down ... calm down.) - (Calm down? You're not making any sense.)
(Let's go...)
(I can't believe this is happening ...)
OK, this was fun.
Call me the next time you want to do this.
Hey, can you help to transfer the deed to someone else?
I cannot accept this.
Geese Louise. If you learn anything in life.
Learn that when someone gives you a house you don't say "I cannot accept this."
You say fuck yeah!
Yeah, try it.
Fuck yeah!
Alright, we'll work on that,
No one has ever done anything like this for me before.
All I know is if you marry Jai Lee
you're gonna regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but soon, and for the rest of your life.
Oh, can you do me a favor?
Before you kicked me out of your house.
Anything.
Can you read one of these letters to me?
Of course.
This is from your father.
My Xiaoyin,
I have missed you these past few months.
And I regret that I cannot be with you during this venerable time.
I hope that my mother is taking good care of you.
Because she is so exited to become a grandmother.
I am working hard in Suzhou
to save enough money
for us to go to America.
I hope to make enough money
so that we can go before you give birth.
I want our son to be born there
so he can become the president of the United States one day.
Please know, you'll always be with me.
Liu Yi
Wow.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you for everything.
Dad?
Hey.
I loved her.
I know.
I'm sorry.
You forgive me?
You look skinny.
- I'll take you to lunch. - No, I'll take you to lunch.
I have a job now.
I'm paddling Cappuccinos at Starbucks.
My son.
I cannot believe it.
You work for the man.
Working for the man.
Like kids want to say.
Nobody says that dad.
Are you sure?
You've been away too long.
A kid down the street, say it all the time.
Damn, I miss that taste.
How about this girl?
Over there, the blonde.
Like a 7.6, 7.7?
What do you think?
She's OK.
OK?
You don't wanna play anymore?
Jo, did you ever think assigning women to numeric value between 1 to 10,
based on artificial quality, is kind of superficial.
Liam, if you don't think she's cute...
just say you don't think she's cute.
You know what I think.
I made a big mistake with Addy.
You can come up with a list of hundreds of qualities that you think are important
in another person,
but in the end the heart wants what it wants.
You spend your entire life fighting that.
Oh my God.
You just you go crazy.
Yeah, I'm sorta gone crazy just listening to you.
Sorry.
So, you could ramble on about it with me
for the rest of the day.
Or, or...
You could call her.
You know what, I'm not gonna call her.
I'm gonna go over there.
I got it. Thanks.
How you're gonna get there?
You've sold your car.
I'll walk, I'll run, I'll fly over there.
Catch you later.
Nobody walks in L.A..
(Excuse me, I'm sorry.) (You see that guy over there...)
Hi. Hi.
# I made some bad decisions #
# and I'm trying to get them right #
# I chopped them where to live in #
# and stored them out of sight #
# I've gone reputational #
# running from a fight #
# When the situation #
# is out my hands #
# Sometimes you've got to go to stay #
# Let the eastest fades for where it may #
# Drop the masquerade like a life could make #
# Give it all away #
# We had a conversation #
# it was more than what we've sad #
# we had a destination #
# we could see it up ahead #
# To my imagination run #
# winds around up my head #
# Trying not to face that #
# Slipping away #
# Sometimes you've got to go to stay #
# Let the eastest fades for where it may #
# Drop the masquerade like a life could make #
# Give it all away #
What're you doing here?
I came to see you.
And I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now.
I wouldn't blame you if you slam the door in my face.
And I deserve it.
I get the door slammed.
Who is it, sweetie?
Just, Chinese.
Great.
Go to Paris.
What?
I want you to go to Paris.
I want you to see the world.
I want you to do what you're passionate about.
When I was in Shanghai
I had a lot of time to think.
Nobody spoke English
and the movies there suck.
But, I realized how badly I treated you.
I mean you have so much heart.
You can sing to the world.
And I always made it seem like you needed me.
You don't, you never did...
I'm the one who needed you.
And I was scared...
Scared of you growing up.
Scared of you wake up one morning
and realizing that you didn't need me.
Scared of you going off to Paris...
seeing the whole world out there without me.
But I'm not scared anymore.
And I love enough to let you go.
You dumped me.
And then you have this epiphany in Shanghai.
And now you're standing here basically giving me permission to live my life?
And by the way, news flash,
I'm already going to Paris.
You are?
Next week.
Great.
Perfect.
That's what I wanted to hear.
You are gonna learn so much.
Your are gonna meet so many interesting people.
If you are running into Gerard Depardieu, tell him that I loved him in Green Card.
Why do you make it so hard for me to hate you?
God, I'm starving.
So, do you need some cash, bunny?
I'm gonna found out?
OK.
So where is the food?
I left it at the restaurant.
So, this is goodbye?
More like, see you later.
I'll just...
That was weird.
You read the copy?
Yeah, sure.
Just start whenever you're ready
OK.
Right into the camera.
Do you have genital herpes?
It's just...
Lately...
I've been feeling itching and burning around in my genital area.
And how did this happen to me.
I ask myself...
Is that girl in Puerto Rico?
I knew she wasn't a virgin.
But will I ever be able to love again?
Will anyone love me?
Am I supposed to spend my entire life alone?
Because of one drunken night?
This is what I felt...
Before I tried Provium.
Provium daily suppressive therapy can help reduce the frequency of outbreaks.
Make the most out of your life.
Ask your doctor if Provium is right for you.
Wow, that was amazing.
You know, I really believed you have genital herpes.
Do you?
No, I don't.
Well I don't think we need to see anyone else.
Sorry.
I'll miss you!
Go to Paris?! Stupid!
God damn it.
So stupid.
Hey.
Either you came to see me or you've ordered a mail-order bridge.
I saw you're with that guy.
He is one of my instructors, and he scales like a pineapple.
You still remember me?
Bunny, you are my every other memory.
How do you know I was coming in?
I called your dad.
God, you're like obsessed with me or something.
I'm more than obsessed I'm daffy about you.
Daffy like a duck?
Daffy like a duck!
Quack! Quack!
Oh these are... these are for you.
Thanks.
So you think we have a chance?
Anything is possible.
It's the beauty of living.
# Moonlight is raining down #
# And I chose a blazing road #
# Shining like a pawning tree #
# The city close a massive rose #
# Swinging on a high trapeze #
# Far above the crowds I see #
# All I need is Love #
# Spinning around the circus grounds #
# Take me and bring me home again #
# I see everything in front of me #
# It's love and only love can bring us home #
# Fires burn from sea to sea #
# Warming me and I am free #
# Open doors in front of me #
# Only time knows where they lead #
# Everything I'll ever need #
# Standing there in front of me #
# All I see is love #
# Spinning around the circus grounds #
# Take me and bring me home again #
# I see everything in front of me #
# It's love and only love can bring us home #
# Only love, only love #
# Love, spinning around the circus grounds #
# Take me and bring me home again #
# I see everything in front of me #
# It's love and only love can bring us home #